I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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