So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
