I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
