i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
