How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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