Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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