Cold hands, warm shart.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
