She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
