i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
