I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am naked and annoyed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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