what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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