We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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