so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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