apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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