Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
