I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
