i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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