you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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