Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize