From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
