i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
