I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
