So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
