I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
