Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
