She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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