and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
