I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
