i think my tv is drunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
