I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
