Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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