I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
