Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize