I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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