Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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