I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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