i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
