Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think my mom watched the whole time
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
