No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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