Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
