he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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