Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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