When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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