I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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