Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
