Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
