I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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