hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
