So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
