Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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