I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
