Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
