I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
