dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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