So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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