Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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