guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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