Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i now understand why vodka
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
