the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
