oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
