also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
