I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
