can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
