she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
