It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
