so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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