Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
