I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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