carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
