my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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