Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
