well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
