Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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