i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
